Adam Selzer has a bunch of books out - mostly funny YA novels and smart alecky Chicago history/ghostlore stuff.. Here are some pictures from around Chicago and some things he thinks are neat.

 

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

As if the Italian Beef at the Salt and Pepper wasn’t good enough on its own…

(Source: timetoputonashow)

Adam Selzer.com: Play Me Backwards: A Novel by Adam Selzer

adamselzer:

Landing page with links to the pinterest board, downloadable soundtrack, and other fun stuff for Play Me Backwards, my “Satanic” YA novel, out in August from Simon and Schuster.

If this gets 100,000 notes I will put up the following:

- Pic of me giving the thumbs-up to a giant pair of goat balls

- Pic of me showing mad side boob

- a free download of The Smart Aleck’s Guide to Shakespeare 101 (“A 99 cent value? Golly, mister!”)

- some video from the ghost tours I run in Chicago

- The unreleased sequel to I Put a Spell On You

- and I will actually write a short story follow-up to I Kissed a Zombie and I lIked It entitled either I Kissed a Headless Horseman and You’ll Never Guess Where, I Kissed Vincent Price and Oh My God I’m So Confused, or I Kissed a Demon and Now I Don’t Feel So Hot

What else do you guys want? A butt shot or something? Trying to promote a book when you aren’t famous already is hard! I figure I can promise pretty much anything here, since there ain’t no way this is getting anywhere NEAR that many views.

Only about 99,994 notes to go!

Adam Selzer.com: Play Me Backwards: A Novel by Adam Selzer

Landing page with links to the pinterest board, downloadable soundtrack, and other fun stuff for Play Me Backwards, my “Satanic” YA novel, out in August from Simon and Schuster.

If this gets 100,000 notes I will put up the following:

- Pic of me giving the thumbs-up to a giant pair of goat balls

- Pic of me showing mad side boob

- a free download of The Smart Aleck’s Guide to Shakespeare 101 (“A 99 cent value? Golly, mister!”)

- some video from the ghost tours I run in Chicago

- The unreleased sequel to I Put a Spell On You

- and I will actually write a short story follow-up to I Kissed a Zombie and I lIked It entitled either I Kissed a Headless Horseman and You’ll Never Guess Where, I Kissed Vincent Price and Oh My God I’m So Confused, or I Kissed a Demon and Now I Don’t Feel So Hot

What else do you guys want? A butt shot or something? Trying to promote a book when you aren’t famous already is hard! I figure I can promise pretty much anything here, since there ain’t no way this is getting anywhere NEAR that many views.

If this gets 100,000 notes my older brother will name his kid Hermione

joyfulserenade:

smurflewis:

You don’t understand;

My brother and his wife are both dentists. They just found out the sex of their baby is a girl.

I’m trying to convince them to name the baby Hermione.

My brother said if I get 100,000 notes he’ll make it her middle name.

Help me have the coolest niece EVER

If this doesn’t happen I will be thoroughly displeased.

I tend not to believe this stuff is true but I’ll cast my lot anyway. 

mrsrichardarmitage:

stunningpicture:

Gandalf checks his emails (behind the scenes in the set of the Hobbit)

#The wizard will now install your software

I saw Batman texting between takes when they were filming Dark Knight. He kept his cell phone in his utility belt. 

mrsrichardarmitage:

stunningpicture:

Gandalf checks his emails (behind the scenes in the set of the Hobbit)

I saw Batman texting between takes when they were filming Dark Knight. He kept his cell phone in his utility belt. 

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

thisisanatattack:

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He’s like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it’s late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can’t tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn’t be able to spell ‘definitely’ right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write ‘defiantly’, because she doesn’t care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don’t like tattoos and he’s like twenty-five. And for Christ’s sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It’ll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It’s like you didn’t read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you’re reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth’s. It’s like sixty pages long, but you’ll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn’t like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren’t my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you’re getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I’m a teacher, and since I’m a teacher, it’s all I can afford, so…
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he’s such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn’t get so mad when you call me at school if you didn’t change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I’m too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What’s the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

Damn right on Barbara Park. Writing really funny stuff for early middle grade is REALLY REALLY hard. You can’t expect kids to read along at a normal speaking rate, so all the rhythm and pauses that make comedy possible are basically out the window (or wonky, at best), and limiting yourself to jokes the readers will get makes it even harder. She made it look SO EASY. Every now and then I just re-read the first pages of SKINNYBONES and then sit there in awe. 

Love Dickens though, even if he WAS kind of an asshole (which he certainly could be when he felt like it). Sometimes I feel like one of my missions in life is to tell the world that Martin Chuzzlewit is underrated. 

itswalky:

obshasatumbleriguess:

boiledleather:

total-queer-move:

LOOK. IT’S EVERY SINGLE STEREOTYPE ABOUT MEN’S RIGHTS ACTIVISTS PUT INTO ONE HANDY-DANDY DEMOGRAPHICS SURVEY SO IT CAN BE STATISTICALLY VALIDATED!! [x]

THANKS R/MENSRIGHTS!!

I just wish it had included the key question: “What kind of hat do you wear?”

Fedora       2771

Trilby         103

Porkpie      87

Other         6

Only 68 support legalization of marijuana? That’s probably the weirdest finding in the stack.

I don’t see a link back to the source of the survey, so I’m not totally sure I’d believe that the survey is real, but it looks about like I’d expect. The weirdest thing to me is that the group is overwhelmingly 17-20 but only 7% favor minimum wage increase. I kinda thought there’d be more old farts in there, too. 

moniquill:

naamahdarling:

wrath-fire-ice:

Bury me in this.

*SCREAMS*

Get buried in this, get found by archeologists ten thousand years later, get presumed some kind of monarch or holy figure.

Probably better for post-death wear; in life you may have to pee.

moniquill:

naamahdarling:

wrath-fire-ice:

Bury me in this.

*SCREAMS*

Get buried in this, get found by archeologists ten thousand years later, get presumed some kind of monarch or holy figure.

Probably better for post-death wear; in life you may have to pee.

Thhhbbbbbbbbttttttttttttttttttt

So I’ve got 7 weeks to write this new book.

The hardest part is going to be not making it too much like Extraordinary, my 2011 book. It’s also a sort of “here’s my side of the story” thing, like that one was. But maybe it doesn’t matter if there’s some overlap, since no one read Extraordinary when it came out, and it’ll be four years old by the time this one is out. Right?   It’s gonna be a whole hell of a lot darker, anyway. And with less unicorn poop. 

Can I go a whole book without poop jokes? I doubt it. None really come to mind when I think of this project, but they suggest themselves as projects go on. Play Me Backwards , the next one due, is full of them. Full of them. It doesn’t approach the level of poo humor in Extraordinary, which builds to a big scene where they’re shouting lines from Henry V while wheeling a Wells Fargo wagon full of unicorn poop through the streets of Des Moines, but damn it, I can’t hinge ALL of my plots on turds. Can I?

I can’t even get through a ghost tour without a poop joke here or there. If the word “duty” comes up, I WILL snicker and say “hehe. Doody.” 

And when we go by that tool shed that used to be a World’s Fair bathroom on HH Holmes tours, I WILL say that it may be a place where HH Holmes actually did some of his dirty business (ie: pooping).

#2 jokes are simply easy to use in books. They’re deeply personal, but everyone can relate to them. 

Welp, I’m supposed to be using tumblr to build a bigger following in the YA world, so…you teens are very special and I like you just the way you are. I’m pro-woman and anti-bully, unlike all those other jerks. I love libraries. 

themanonfive:

Drawing of the Chicago Temple building c. 1930

Right across Clark from this (on the right) was the Clark Theatre, which became the Snark Theatre in Daniel Pinkwater’s immortal novel THE SNARKOUT BOYS AND THE AVOCADO OF DEATH. I’ve based my life on its teachings. 

themanonfive:

Drawing of the Chicago Temple building c. 1930

Right across Clark from this (on the right) was the Clark Theatre, which became the Snark Theatre in Daniel Pinkwater’s immortal novel THE SNARKOUT BOYS AND THE AVOCADO OF DEATH. I’ve based my life on its teachings. 

PLAY ME BACKWARDS by Adam Selzer (Pinterest Board)

Trying to renovate my social media presence in advance of the new book. Building a platform before the book is out feels like putting the cart before the horse (heaven knows I’ve tried it before without much success), but it’s a new book and a new chance.   “Everyone knows it’s going to hurt but at least you’ll get hurt trying” - Regina Spektor  (of course I think the person she’s singing to is doomed, but still)   (btw that song, “Firewood,” would fit in well on ANY Tom Waits album).